Cali's Joke Corner

[Pat]

LoL Dave that is a great one!!!!

[Cali]

that was definitley amusing...thank you

[jimbo_jj]

Why did the chicken cross the road?

Einstein: Who's to say that the road didn't pass under the chicken?
Newton: Because its inertia was too great to stop it beforehand.
Heisenberg: How do we know it crossed the road if it had the inertia to do so?
Schrodinger: Its wavefunction forced it to.
Feynman: What do you care why the chicken crossed the road?

[TheTeaCat]

The Sign:

A man was driving down a local street one day and approached a stop sign. He barely slowed down and ran right through the stop sign after glancing for traffic. What the driver didn't know was that a policeman was watching the intersection. The policeman pulled out after him and stopped the car two blocks away.

Policeman: "License, registration and proof of insurance please."
Driver: "Before I give it to you, tell me what the heck you stopped me for, man."
Policeman: "Watch your tone sir; you ran the stop sign back there!!"
Driver: "Man, I slowed down, what the heck is the difference!?!"
The police officer pulled out his night stick and began smashing it over the man's head and shoulders.
Policeman: "Now, do you want me to just slow down or stop!!!? ...

[Cali]

all jokes aside for a minute. I want to personally thank everyone for keeping this thread alive. Because of all of you, we have kept SC4D laughing for over two years....thats quite impressive
! again thank you all. and may we keep making people smiling for many more years!!!!..-------Cali

[Pat]

notta problem there Cali and its great to see you around again!!!

[Cali]

thank u pat. RL has really put a choke hold on me...but im so glad that i still have the privilidge of bein here with some of the greatest,most creative minds in the sc4 community.

[TheTeaCat]

This is why I didn't show up for work yesterday.

I was cleaning out my wife's grandpa's cellar and found 12 bottles of his home-bottled grape wine under the steps. My wife told me to empty the contents of each and every bottle down the sink, or else. I agreed to do the unpleasant task.

I withdrew the cork form the first bottle and poured the contents down the sink, with the exception of one glass, which I drank. I extracted the cork from the second bottle, did likewise, and drank one glass, just to check the taste to see if the old fellow knew his wine making. He did.

I then opened the third bottle, and poured it, too, down the sink, but not until drinking one full glass to check the purity. It was very good. I did this, also with the fourth bottle. One glass for myself, and the rest down the sink. I pulled the bottle from the cork of the next, and drank one sink out of it and threw the rest down the glass. I pulled the sink out of the next glass and poured the cork from the bottle, then corked the sink with the glass, bottled the drink and drank the pour.

When I had everything emptied, I steadied the house with one hand, counted the bottles, corks, glasses and sinks with the other, which were 29, and as the house came by I counted them again, and finally had all the houses in one bottle, which I drank. I felt so foolish that I couldn't go upstairs and congratulate my wife to tell her what a great winemaker her grandpa was. I will do that after climbing the basement steps the next time they come by.

[PaPa-J]

The Frog and Golf

A man takes the day off work and Decides to go out golfing.  He is on the second hole when he Notices a frog sitting next to the green.  He thinks nothing of it and is About to shoot when he Hears, Ribbit 9 Iron.'  The man looks around and doesn't See anyone.  Again, he hears, 'Ribbit 9 Iron.'  He looks at the frog and decides to Prove the frog wrong, puts the Club away, and grabs a 9 iron. 

Boom!  He hits it 10 inches from the cup.  He is shocked.  He says to the frog, 'Wow that's amazing.  You must be a lucky frog, eh?  The frog replies, 'Ribbit Lucky frog.'

The man decides to take the frog with him to the next hole.  'What do you think frog?'  The man asks.  'Ribbit 3 wood.'  The guy takes out a 3 wood and,

Boom! Hole in one.

The man is befuddled and doesn't know What to say.  By the end of the day, the man golfed the Best game of golf in his life and asks the frog,  'OK where to next?'  The frog replies, 'Ribbit Las Vegas ..


' They go to Las Vegas and the guy says, 'OK frog, now What?'  The frog says, 'Ribbit Roulette.' Upon approaching the roulette table, The man asks,  'What do you think I should Bet?' The frog replies, 'Ribbit $3000, black 6.'

Now, this is a million-to-one shot to win, but after the golf game the man Figures what the heck.

Boom!

Tons of cash comes sliding back across the table.  The man takes his winnings and buys the best room in the Hotel. He sits the frog down and Says, 'Frog, I don't know how to repay you.  You've won me all this money and I am forever grateful.'  The frog replies, 'Ribbit KissMe.' He figures why not, Since after all the frog did for Him, He deserves it.

With a kiss, the frog turns into a gorgeous 15-year-old girl.

'And that, your honor, is how the girl ended up in my room.  So help me God Or my name is not William Jefferson Clinton.'

[Ryan B.]

I LOL'd.  Jolly good show.

[Pat]

OK here is a bit of WoW joke 

Why didn't the undead cross the road with the chicken?

...he didn't have the guts. Harrrrrr!

[thingfishs]

Q - How can you tell if a hippie's been staying in your house?
A - He's still there. 

[adroman]

A chicken was crossing the road when he ran into a man, the chicken looked up and said, "Hello, what's your name?" to which the man replied, "Bond... James Bond. yours?", the chicken looks up at the Man and says "Ken... Chick Ken"...

I know, I know, it's lame... 

[dobdriver]

Gawd, killed this one dead!

[MandelSoft]

"According to a recent reseach, one orange contains the same ammount of vitamins than 50 bags of fries. I came to the conclusion that I should eat much more fries." - Herman Finkers, comedian.

[thingfishs]

A few one liners from one of my favourite comedians, George Carlin:



If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the others here for?

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea... does that mean that one enjoys it?

Isn't making a smoking section in a restaurant like making a peeing section in a swimming pool?

[TheTeaCat]

Recently, a large corporation hired several cannibals to increase their diversity.


"You are all part of our team now," said the Human Resources rep during the welcoming briefing.
"You get all the usual benefits and you can go to the cafeteria for something to eat, but please don't eat any employees."

The cannibals promised they would not. Four weeks later their boss remarked, "You're all working very hard and I'm satisfied with your work. We have noticed a marked increase in the whole company's performance. However, one of our secretaries has disappeared. Do any of you know what happened to her?"

The cannibals all shook their heads, "No." After the boss had left, the leader of the cannibals said to the others, "Which one of you idiots ate the secretary?"

A hand rose hesitantly. "You fool!" the leader continued,

"For four weeks we've been eating managers and no one noticed anything.
But no, you had to go and eat someone who actually does something."

[MandelSoft]

A physicist, a biologist and a mathematician stand in front of an empty house. Five people went into the house, seven people came out. What happened?

Physicist: "The initial data wasn't excact."
Biologist: "They reproduced themselfs while they where inside."
Mathematician: "If two people go into the house, it will be empty again."

Best,
Maarten

[Pat]

LoL goood laughs!!!

[j-dub]

LOST series finale spoiler: Do you know how and why I already know the black smoke escapes from the island in the end and wreaks havoc on the rest of the world?

I think the European air traffic hold-ups happening to us in our reality now already explains it.