Merijn's message to the community

[tag_one]

Dear all,

I write this to you with pain in my heart. For many years I contributed to this wonderful community by sharing dozens of industrial buildings and other stuff. I made those buildings with all the love and energy I had. I enjoyed sharing them with you and see them grow in your wonderful cities.

I don't know when it started, but since spring this year I started to feel more and more depressed. I never really enjoyed my life and I saw this community as a peaceful calm bay. A place where people understand me and where I can shelter when life sucks. But the pain has become too much now. My life is a mess and one by one I'm loosing all my friends. I feel like everyone is attacking me for no clear reasons. At least no one tells me a reason. Even though I felt rubbish for as long as I can remember I always tried to help people and be positive. I never projected my insecurities on other people. I always listened to people, always be there for them. But I can't anymore. People don't care about me anymore. They ignore calls I made and stopped replying to text messages I sent. Friends I used to chat with blocked me on msn. People say bad things about me etc. Even when I make new friends, they stop contacting me after a few months. I guess I just suck. I can't talk to my parents and family anymore. They feel like strangers. I don't know if it's my fault and what I'm doing wrong. I feel insecure, colt and empty. Without the love and warmth I once had I feel I can't continue to model anymore. I'm sorry all, but I'll stop uploading. I lost the power to continue. I'll continue visiting this forum and my do my job as a moderator of the picture competition. But I won't be uploading for some time anymore.

I'm sorry,
Merijn

[MandelSoft]

I'm sorry to hear this    I didn't knew you were depressed. Well, take good care Merijn

Best,
Maarten

[io_bg]

I'm really sorry to hear that, my friend I sincerely hope your RL situation will improve. Don't worry about (hopefully temporarily) interrupting your BAT work, you're not obliged to continue it - RL is always more important. If you ever need someone to chat with - feel free to find me on MSN. I'll be there
Best of luck with your real-life problems!

[art128]

Oh sh*t Merijn... I didn't know you were feeling like this...   I really don't know why people are doing that, but they're really stupid because you're really friendly guy. I hope you'll feel better soon, and if you want to talk to someone, we are all here. (you'll can find my MSN on my profile if you want ) You stopped BATing is really a sad news for me as you were (and still is) one of my favorite BATer of all time.

Take care my friend (and fellow moderator)

-Arthur.

[joelyboy911]

I just want to add: You've already done so much, Merijn, you mustn't feel guilty about taking an extended break or retiring from BATting. Your contribution to the custom-content community is already of such great quantity and quality that you need not apologise for anything.

I sincerely hope your situation improves soon.

Joel

[noahclem]

I'm sorry to hear about your situation Merijn. For me at least it seems like when life starts to get bad it does it almost all at once. And a lot of the time the worse you feel the worse you make things for yourself as far as friends and feelings go. It gets really hard to make things better when you feel bad about yourself and it's easy for negative feelings to become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Of course there's no easy solution to anything like this and I'm no therapist but if I could recommend anything it would be to try to believe in yourself and remember that you're the same person you were before these newer problems came up. Let me know if you'd like to talk 

[WC_EEND]

... What can I say, this is very sad news. I wouldn't know why people would do something like this to you, because to me you seem like a nice, understanding and helpful guy. Should you want to talk to someone, my msn is in my profile.

All the best, and I sincerely hope your situation improves

Xander

[Terring7]

Oh man this sucks . I totally understand you, i also lost many people without any logic reason and i know how it hurts. To be honest, i don't care about not uploading new cool creations anymore - and your creations are really cool. I mostly care about you and your mental health. Only a jerk would make someone feel bad without any reason

Take my advise. Time is the best doctor, because it has the cure for everything. It painful in the begging, but the result will be worthy. Feel free to P.M. if you want it

[metarvo]

Oh, Merijn.    I appreciate you and your creations, and I think I'm not the only one.  I'm sorry about this.    I hope things get better for you quickly. 

[Ciuu96]

I'm really sorry to hear this, Merijn

Just try to carry on and don't care what other people say or do. I hope you get new, better friends someday, and you probably will, as you seem to be very nice guy. Don't worry about your uploads, as others said you have already contributed so much to the community that even if you would stop BATting completely now it would not matter.

I really hope that your situation gets better, and if you want to talk, just contact me and I will give my MSN or Skype address to you.  Take care

[mightygoose]

i wish you the best with all my heart, take as long as you need, RL always comes first.

[nbvc]

You should go to a doctor. I also know someone with depressions and there are good medications and psychological therapys which helped this person.

[mrbisonm]

Although we never had a direct contact within the community, I always enjoyed (and still do) your contributions, remarks, comments and knowledge to us.

I kinda guess what you are going through, because I think I have been in a similar situation many years ago. It all started with a divorce, then a separation with my kids who were at a young stage then and finished with a terrible depression of some kind, even having thought of ending it all right there several times.
But.....
.......as my character and soul are very strong, I survived. That was 32 years ago. Today I don't regret that all this happened during a period of two, maybe three years because it gave me a life experience that many never had or never will live through and was (is) very useful to have build a life after this that I could only dream of.
It all turned out for the best, although I thought then, that the end is never-ending and I couldn't feel or see any exit of my mysery int he future.
These things are only in our head, you know, most of them don't even exist, we ourselves invent them. We always see and feel what we want to see or feel in a situation like this when things turn sour. You say you loose your friends, maybe they are loosing you? And your family? If they see that you're driffting away it is maybe because of you? Have you ever thought of it like this? Try to see it this way, that might help a lot to understand why things are happening to you as they do.

Believe me when I say that I was close to an end. I thought during several months and even years that nothing "good" could happen to me anymore, life was like useless, I didn't enjoy what I was living and I was even looking for pity, pity for myself.

bahhh, all bullrubbish!

There is surely a reason for this to happen to you as it did for me. There always is, whether it is an experience to add to your knowledge already, a lesson for you to change certain matters or just something that has to be done. I never thought of this when it happened to me then, but today I understand. It all worked out for the better, although I though it would never happen. But it always does it seems. Many people don't wait through this period, so they never had the chance to see the better side of it, but I know you will, because you seem to be more intelligent than letting everything go for a reason that surely is not resonable.
Today I have a second wife since 29 years, more beautiful, generous, understanding and joyful than the first, my kids came back to me and they're closer to me than ever, (even if they are in the late twenties and early thirties), my job is only what I could have imagined before with a revenue that satifies myself and my family more than sufficient and joy.....oh yessss...that joy that I used to have before, the joy of love and life, it came back, more intensive than ever. It all changed for the best and it surely will happen to you also. This period made me stronger, both physically and mentally, being a survivor at war between myself and me.
Things go wrong here and there all the time and to everyone in their lives and then we make a picture of it and it turns black.....Why? Because in our spirits or soul (as you wish) we mostly see the worse or worst that could happen, all negativity, but afterall, it ain't happening. Just look around you and have a good look at other people and families, try to see their difficluties and myseries and you probably realize that your "problem" is not such a problem anymore and your senses and wishes to live a better life will awaken. Believe me, this simple therapy that you can do by yourself works and is much worth it. If it not seems to, seek for help.
I can see what you feel, just don't continue to feel like it, heads up my friend.

Just like I said, look around you, don't feel pity for yourself, take the situation by the hand and control and lead it into the right direction and be positive even in the worst situation. If you are about to loose everything, like money, things, family etc....there's worse, believe me. Do new things, change your alimentation, your habits , your hobbies, anything that is different, that will help you find new interests that will bring you new joy, ok?  Nothing lasts for an eternity in this universe, not even your mysery or depression.
If you need help, let us know, we are all here to help, me being the first.

I'm not very good at explaining things in english since it is my third language only, but I hope I made it clear enough for you to understand what I am trying to make you understand....hm..did that make sense?....lol. I speak a little dutch, not much though, having been raised in Germany in a little village close to Nederlande, near Aachen. Maastricht ain't far from there and we spent a lot of time buying the "good thingd" from Holland there at least once a month.

Good luck and don't let go , it will turn out for the better I know. I hope that my words will add to make a difference in your life. Have fun now and nothing else

Fred

EDIT: I just realized that my contribution to this thread is bigger than your own, , sorry 'bout this.

[catty]

Hi Merijn

I know it doesn't feel like it at the moment ... but when I am going thru a black period in my life, I try and think of it as a bad winter storm ... it will always end the sun will come out and life will be good ... and it always is worth making it thru the storm ... Fred has said it a lot better and longer   

Take care of yourself and know despite what you are feeling at the moment a lot of people care about you.

Cathy

[peter007]

I think I could only wish you good luck. And what the others already had said RL is always much more important than a game. I hope you will eventually come back with some several bats because I surely enjoyed of it untill the last moment. But first clean up your life 

[rooker1]

 This is very sad news indeed.  I think you have more support here than you know.  I hope with all my heart that you can figure this out and things get better for you sooner than later.

Robin

[Meastro444]

That sucks Merijn, I really feel sorry for you. If you want someone to talk too you could always drop me a pm. I'll head over to whereever you are in Holland.

[Fresh Prince of SC4D]

Sadden to hear this Merijn. But do what you must to take a path to recover yourself. It hurts me know someone has such traitorous freinds and believe themselves to be an outcast. Know the community has your back and hear for all triumphs and lowpoints. Walk foward my friend to a better future.

     Will,
             The Prince
     

[cubby420]

I'm sorry your going through this difficult extended stretch Merijn. Your situation sounds painful, but please never feel like their is no hope. I too feel like I lost years of my young life to a dreadful pit of loneliness and despair. I felt as though things would never get better. I rarely if ever left my apartment unless for work. I lost contact with or alienated (or was alienated by) all of my close friends...people I loved...and who I mistakenly thought loved me. Many times I felt like there weren't any choices.

All I could do was hold onto the belief that it couldn't be as bad as it seemed. And guess what? It wasn't. I forced myself to try and push through and put myself out there, even when I just couldn't. I eventually met new people and realized I could create much more healthy bonds with than what I previously thought possible. I met people who actually did like me for me, with all my quirks and flaws. I got some professional help as well, and started to understand how sometimes, even doing everything you can won't necessarily make you happy. Talk therapy, even non-regularly, can make a world of difference sometimes. Try and remember too that we all have different brain chemistry too, and its possible that yours may be out of whack right now.

Just remember things are never as bad as they seem. Find reasons to laugh and smile. Seek them out. Cliche as it sounds...life gets better.    

[Nardo69]

Hi Merijn!

Take the time you need, and don't be too shy to search and ask for help from outside - I know by myself that this is sometimes absolutely necessary.

Take care my friend

I wish you all the best and to see you again in better times!

Bernhard